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Literature Text
I'm a burnt-out boy with a broken guitar and three wishes to spare. I sleep with them under my pillow and try to dream of happiness. But I know that you'll disappear if I open my eyes. So I told you I thought I loved you but you just looked at me with those eyes and said
This isn't a fairytale, lover boy.
We both know I'm too young to recognize the taste of tears.
I wished for fiery passion.
And your lips tasted like ashes.
I wished that you'd see me for who I am.
But your glittering eyes shattered like glass.
And I gave the other wish to you.
I'm a foot-loose girl with a thousand songs and three promises to make. I bite my tongue because I like the taste of pain. I struggle to find meaning in love, since you told me it all began once-upon-a-time. So I said this wasn't a fairytale and you replied
We can still live happily ever after.
I never meant to break your heart.
I promised I'd burn through your beauty.
And those lies went up in smoke.
I promised that I'd fall in love.
But I'm still picking up the pieces.
And I saved the last promise.
Just in case we need it someday.
This isn't a fairytale, lover boy.
We both know I'm too young to recognize the taste of tears.
I wished for fiery passion.
And your lips tasted like ashes.
I wished that you'd see me for who I am.
But your glittering eyes shattered like glass.
And I gave the other wish to you.
I'm a foot-loose girl with a thousand songs and three promises to make. I bite my tongue because I like the taste of pain. I struggle to find meaning in love, since you told me it all began once-upon-a-time. So I said this wasn't a fairytale and you replied
We can still live happily ever after.
I never meant to break your heart.
I promised I'd burn through your beauty.
And those lies went up in smoke.
I promised that I'd fall in love.
But I'm still picking up the pieces.
And I saved the last promise.
Just in case we need it someday.
Literature
just never check your junkmail
Why is it that you contaminate
my feeds and favourites? Why
is your website my homepage?
Why are there playlists with
songs that remind me of you
or files dedicated to you? Tell
me why the first thing I do when
I get home is go on the Internet,
and
Google your name. Slap myself.
Google both our names together.
Did you mean Never in a Million
Years? Actually, I meant billion.
Fuck you, Google.
Drag mouse. Point-click the top bar.
Erase web address. Enter new URL:
www.fakewhoresandwebsites.com-
promise me three things:
to never reveal my password.
to never read my messages.
to never send me Spyware.
(go figure;
that'
Literature
dont write under the influence
Dr. Asclepius called me;
he told me i'm bipolar
(i still say it's luxuria)
My prescription?
Fucking medicine.
Take two pills:
Doctor's Orders
(as if anyone actually
obeys those, anyway)
Take another pill.
One for each time
you looked at me,
then two more if
i had looked back.
i'll take one more for that time you
branded fake
Literature
You and I,
we're a stunted little paragraph blowing in the wind,
full of maybes and we could have beens.
We're winter nights dancing through the sky,
dreaming of warmth and summer, burntskin sunscreen.
We're fruits hanging from a tree,
ripe with promise and fearing bitter seeds.
We're dripping photographs in darkrooms waiting to become something beautiful.
You and I, we're not fancy like fireworks. Sparks
are the little lights that dance between us when we smile.
Sparks are private things and they shine more prettily
when no one else can see them except you and me.
So when I write poetry about us,
it won't be about mountains and kisses
and
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Inspiration
This piece really came out of nowhere. Well, that's not quite true. I've been feeling pretty despondent about losing all of my unfinished writing. A lot really beautiful pieces of writing are gone and a lot of hard work was for nothing. So I was kind of boycotting my writing, 'cause I was so bitter.
What set this idea off in my head was looking at a forum I'd created a long time ago, about a year, and I wrote
Surprisingly, that didn't end up being included. But it was the original inspiration. (Which is why I say it came out of nowhere – the piece basically just evolved itself throughout the day.)
Technique
I started thinking of ideas in the middle of a church service, so I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote them down. During a hymn. Let me tell you, it's hard to sing and write at the same time. I honestly have no idea what I was singing. Probably just tripping over my words and confusing myself.
So I had some words written down on the back of the bulletin, and I brought that home. Then I read them again, and was so disgusted with myself that I resolved to make something of value out of my random artistic cliché ramblings.
I tried, okay.
Special Mentions
~cherrichan13 helped me out. And sympathized.
Oh, and this was written on *WanderingHere's computer.
Groups
For #theWrittenRevolution members: Are there any metaphors that don't fit or don't make sense?
Other Deviations
Too Tired to Say Your Name
Too Young to Give Up
This was featured in #All-Media's Bimonthly Feature blog and news article, !Sirrah-A's journal, *HayleighElizabeth's news article and ~Kjaj's news article.
© 2010 Jonathon Reed
deviantART | Society6 | Tumblr
portfolio.jonathonreed.com
This piece really came out of nowhere. Well, that's not quite true. I've been feeling pretty despondent about losing all of my unfinished writing. A lot really beautiful pieces of writing are gone and a lot of hard work was for nothing. So I was kind of boycotting my writing, 'cause I was so bitter.
What set this idea off in my head was looking at a forum I'd created a long time ago, about a year, and I wrote
"You get my hair in a tangle.
But I like it that way."
Surprisingly, that didn't end up being included. But it was the original inspiration. (Which is why I say it came out of nowhere – the piece basically just evolved itself throughout the day.)
Technique
I started thinking of ideas in the middle of a church service, so I grabbed a pen and paper and wrote them down. During a hymn. Let me tell you, it's hard to sing and write at the same time. I honestly have no idea what I was singing. Probably just tripping over my words and confusing myself.
So I had some words written down on the back of the bulletin, and I brought that home. Then I read them again, and was so disgusted with myself that I resolved to make something of value out of my random artistic cliché ramblings.
I tried, okay.
Special Mentions
~cherrichan13 helped me out. And sympathized.
Oh, and this was written on *WanderingHere's computer.
Groups
For #theWrittenRevolution members: Are there any metaphors that don't fit or don't make sense?
Other Deviations
Too Tired to Say Your Name
Too Young to Give Up
This was featured in #All-Media's Bimonthly Feature blog and news article, !Sirrah-A's journal, *HayleighElizabeth's news article and ~Kjaj's news article.
© 2010 Jonathon Reed
deviantART | Society6 | Tumblr
portfolio.jonathonreed.com
Comments133
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Overall
Vision
Originality Technique Impacti am in love with how it sounds like the two characters are trying to convince themselves as well as eachother. both view points fit together very well, and the metaphors stay well away from being overdone.
metaphors:
your use of the metaphors helps the reader form a picture and situation, as well as explain more about the situation.
'i wished for fiery passion.
and your lips tasted like ashes.'
hints at a past relationship that went badly for the 'loverboy', leaving nothing but ashes in its wake. subtle and perfect use of imagery.
and from the other point of view,
'i promised i'd burn through your beauty.
and those lies went up in smoke'
gives a litte insight to how insecure both of them were, and how their relationship worked. once again, subtle and very well written.
how well it's tied together:
because of the similarities in both parts and the use of italics, this could be read as a short conversation with thoughts thrown in there as a bonus. which is how i personally read it. words like 'fairytale' and the metaphors for fire and music bring the two sides together very well.
one thing to possibly look at:
the very last line,
'just incase we need it someday.'
stands out slightly. i am not sure if that was intentional or not, but i think it would fit slightly better if something like that was said in the other view point.
maybe something about the wish 'he' gave to 'her'.
'just incase you need it someday.'
or something along those lines.
all in all, very very well done. i look foreward to reading more from you. :]
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