literature

Straightline

Deviation Actions

Published: May 31, 2010

3.5K Views

Literature Text

        _{People always say that they hate goodbyes; they say leaving someone behind is too sad. But I guess I'm different. I love it when people cry over me.

        She left without saying goodbye. I felt betrayed, in a way. Angry that she'd just leave like that, and angry that I'd just let her go. And hurt: my shoulder blades ached from the oh-so-sweet sensation of being stabbed in the back.
        At the same time, I felt a fleeting swoop of joy. This is what I wanted: proof that I was living in the past. That I really didn't stand a chance. She'd trace her pretty, torn-up nails across my throat and we'd both agree: "I don't love you anymore." I'd drink her forgotten tears and she'd bite my Cheshire smile.
        And my wild imaginings would disappear.

        Maybe I'd fall asleep at night.

        It wasn't until she disappeared from sight that I became aware of the bitter taste of blood in my mouth.
        She was gone.

        And then I heard her voice at my shoulder. "I'm leaving."
       She was looking at me with a small smile on her face, like she knew she was tearing me apart and she loved it. My heart pounded a war beat against my ribcage; I hate you! I wanted to scream. But I was suffocating in her presence, her devil-may-care eyes dizzying my resolve.
        I looked away as fast as I could.

        "Goodbye."}

Inspiration
It's a true story.

Hello, good morning, how you do?
What makes your rising sun so new?
I could use a fresh beginning too
All of my regrets are nothing new
So this is the way that I say I need you
This is the way that I'm

Learning to breathe
I'm learning to crawl
I'm finding that you (and you alone) can break my fall
I'm living again, awake and alive
I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?
Yesterday left my head kicked in
I never, never thought that
I would fall like that
Never knew that I could hurt this bad

So this is the way I say I need you
This is the way that I say I love you
This is the way that I say I'm yours
This is the way, this is the way
– "Learning to Breathe" by Switchfoot

Technique
I think I'm going to be all cryptic about this piece because, like I said, it's a true story, and I don't feel like explaining too much. I did enhance the artistic-ness of what happened a bit, but not really.
I wrote this on the drive home.

(I'm not in love.)

Special Mentions
~bleusman critiqued this, which was great. Although he's a lot more knowledgeable about literary terms.

*HtBlack critiqued it too. But she went to sleep halfway through, because it was almost 3:00AM for her.
~fire-wind-wisdom

Groups
For #theWrittenRevolution members: What do you think of the character development?